Being made to laugh or hearing something funny when you’re feeling ill can be a real lift. Just that moment of the dam breaking when you’ve felt miserable for so long and the laughter comes is almost a release.
And being ill is no fun. So whoever it is that is under the weather usually can do with a laugh to raise their spirits. That’s what this list of jokes is intended to do. You can use them with your get well wishes in a card or tell in person if you’re visiting someone.
These jokes and one-liners focus on medicine, doctors and medical matters in general. They’re not really about getting well per se, but anyone who has been into hospital or seen a doctor regularly will
A healthy sleep not only makes your life longer, but also shortens the workday.
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
A man walks into the doctors and the doctor says, "I've not seen you for a while." The man replies, "Yes, I've been ill."
Working at a Hospital is the worst cause you can't call in sick. You: "Yeah, I can't come in today, I'm sick." Boss: "Come on in, we'll check you out."
Doc says, "Joe, I got some bad news for you. You've got six months to live." Joe says, "Six months? Doc, I can't pay your bill in six months, I can't do it!" Doc says, "OK, I give you a year..."
Where do sick boats go to get healthy? To the dock!
I hate that feeling after surgery when you're not sure if you're awake or asleep or if you operated on the right patient.
I like the way your medication thinks.
I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.
My mate broke his left arm and left leg, but he was alright.
My bed wasn't feeling well this morning, so I had to stay home to take care of it.
When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.
If your condition seems to be getting better, it's probably your doctor getting sick.
Me (at work): "I think I'm having a heart attack." My boss: "Do that on your own time!"
"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible" "Well, tell him I can't see him right now."
Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
Diagnosis: A physician's forecast of the disease by the patient's pulse and purse.
My health is good; it’s my age that’s bad.
I'd hate to be a giraffe with a sore throat.
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
The doctor demands his fees whether he has killed the illness or the patient.
Laughter is the best medicine – unless you're diabetic, then insulin comes pretty high on the list.
A man walked into the doctor’s; he said, ‘I’ve hurt my arm in several places.' … The doctor said, ‘well don’t go there any more.'
When a doctor makes a mistake, it's best to bury the subject.
I told my doctor I wanna stop aging, he gave me a gun!
Somewhere in the world is… the world’s worst doctor… and he could be yours.
I went to a doctor, and all he did is suck blood from my neck; don't go see Dr. Acula.
First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
If your condition seems to be getting better, it's probably your doctor getting sick.
What's the Difference Between God and a Surgeon?
God doesn’t think he's a surgeon.
What Did the Man Who Swallowed a Bag of Nickels Say to the Doctor Reading His X-Ray?
Any change?
